I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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