On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
