And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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