oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
