I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
