eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
