I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
