Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
