I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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