you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize