Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
