I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
