I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize