He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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