She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
