I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
