While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
