Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
