Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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