If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
