she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
