I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
