I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
