I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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