his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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