birth control should be required to get into college
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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