do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
