i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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