Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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