Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize