No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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