I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
