One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
