So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
