Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
