Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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