You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
