You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
