dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
