Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
