Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize