I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
