toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
