Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
