Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
