then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
