I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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