Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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