I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
