Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
