Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
