I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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