I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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