i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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