The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
