You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
