Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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