Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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