i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
