I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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