No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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