Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
