Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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