Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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