You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
