I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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