Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
