well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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