Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
