Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
