I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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