All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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