why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
