I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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