This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
