I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
