3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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