Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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